“Heheh ahah hah haha” and little giggle sounds catch my attention, I look towards the bed lit up by early morning sunshine, and my 1.5-year-old kid is laughing heartily, eyes are closed, and newly popped up little front teeth showing. I wonder what he sees in dreams, his facial expressions so real, and just as I pull out the camera to capture this moment, his laugh fades. I keep my camera open, to capture him laughing in sleep again, 3-5 minutes pass by, and no more laughs, thinking about what made him laugh, whether it was me, or is it a swing that he loves to giggle on, what can an 18-month-old laugh about?

Some moments are never captured in camera, but in your eyes, in your mind, in your heart, and we do not value those moments, we want to capture everything and show it to the world, or save it to revisit when we have time, when we get old, or when we tell stories to somebody, we do not value present moment anymore, like me, who did not rejoice in the laugh of my kid and my whole focus shifted to get it on camera, had I focused on enjoying that moment, and keep it my heart, or have thought of rejoicing it, oh what a wonderful start to my day, my kid is laughing as it is happening in real, my mood would have been different.

Well, motherhood is the journey of so many uncaptured moments, moments which are hard, good, bad, difficult, annoying, happy, etc, All the emotions in the English language are not enough to describe what motherhood entails, even if I could record each moment and waking memory, it would still not capture how do I feel about it.

I love my child dearly and some days loving him is the toughest job in the world, being a mother is not easy, all your child wants are you and no person is happier than him seeing his momma return home after a long day at work.

I care for him too much, that slightest change in his eating habits, his sleep routine his activities makes me cautious, I know how people out there and my family ask me to take a chill pill, and that’s how children grow but how do you convince a mother who only wants to nourish the child and wants nothing but good for his child? No one knows better than the mom, and this is something god gifted and instilled ever since a baby is conceived.

I knew I could face any challenge, but motherhood was something I wasn’t ready for and it is more than a challenge, it is a responsibility of a little human life in this entire world, where each little act of mine is going to affect his mind, that is going to live here for next 70-80 years.

And each day motherhood, brings out the worst in me, as a human, as a mother, I fight myself daily, that I have to be better for my child, for my little human, to whom I am one perfect woman, but deep inside I know I am not, I struggle to keep patience, my identity, my work, my responsibilities as an employee, as a wife, as a homemaker, as a social animal, as a daughter in law, and what not, and just when I am about to give it all up, I just want to do it for a child who values these efforts, for whom all these matters.

However children grow up and all those sacrifices don’t matter, they may not need you just like when they needed you with little hands and little hearts who only knew mama is love.

No one knows what is better for their child other than the mother, not even the father, in today’s progressive world, I think this sentiment might have changed, but it’s true to its core, having experienced this myself.

On some days, while taking care of all the family members, when MY CHILD IS NEGLECTED, mom guilt takes over. It time and again teaches me to prioritize my child and myself, because those family members, friends, and relatives, won’t take care of your child, at the end of the day you must do, and having spilled your cup over them and not giving that energy to your child, is the biggest mistake that I am doing time and again. I am writing this, to remind me that I am a mother first and a human being all of the world comes after because no one can love your child the way you do. Everyone else can take care of themselves but not my child and no one else will even bother to, because everyone likes the rosy and cheesy things. No one wants to return the favor back or help you with the little child owing it the responsibility of the mother, but being a mother I can tell you, that if you really want to help a person, just take care of yourself, and don’t burden her with additional responsibilities of you, instead, help her feeding her child, help her with her chores, because she may not be saying this. Still, every day she is breaking little by little, being a mother, ignoring herself, and when you come over, ignoring her child so that she can take care of you.

and while taking care of you, she might not be doing it wholeheartedly, cause her child wants to be held, wants to play, wants to eat and so many things, if you really want a mother to be happy or a child to be happy, free the mother to be carefree, to spend time with her child without thinking, oh, I have to cook dinner, oh I have to wash the bottles, the laundry, the grocery, the list of 683930 items going through her head.

I have been through the terrible period of pregnancy and childbirth and postpartum, and I am still fighting the mental struggles each day, no one has heard of, my husband sleeping next to me, doesn’t know or think that I do, it may not be evident, or may just be an exaggerated cause that people think is used to gain empathy sympathy, etc, like we all know motherhood is hard, then why cry about it, you decided to have a child and not us, then why blame it on us, why say anything about it, if you can’t deal with it, don’t do it.

Is this the right thing to say or do? Comparing your experiences with the one going through a hard time? I don’t know how to express this but any sane and rational human being won’t shun down anyone who wants to voice their concerns about what they are going through, because what seems easy for you might not be a cup of tea for someone else. The world needs more kindness than ever, I have been a mother, can’t tolerate anyone who is not kind, because struggles are real and they may be physical, mental, and emotional, and everyone has a story to tell, and challenges to face, and your kindness can make or break their spirit.

So never be afraid of using encouraging words, support them however you can, because one day they will be grateful for you, that you brought them out of this, and you think you just did a minute thing, but how the other person is shining because of it, and your little kindness has worked miracles for that person.

One of my old friends mine was so kind he had so many different perspectives on life, he continues to inspire me each day and I have more love for him in my heart because of how one line can change your entire mood you can’t be thankful enough.

Live Love Laugh and Sprinkle kindness everywhere you go!!

Hope you make someone’s day today.