I am doing my rhapsodic dance while entering the bus. I am upbeat and I want to sit on the window seat and shout out to my next new adventure with the complete strangers. My little goddess is so proud of my daring and staunch attitude that this city gave me.
I look for our seats, Abeer and you follow me inside the bus. I find our seats and we adjust ourselves in Volvo Deluxe to Solan.
And out of nowhere, all of a sudden, my mind enters a flashback. I look at those seats and somehow I am reminded of Vian, no matter how much I try to forget about him, I can’t. I am disgusted by the thoughts of him. I am a whole new person ever since I left him almost a year ago and I came here.
He resides in my hurtful memories, choking me in the dark corners of my world, where my eyes are open but I see nothing.
I have been living each day with the avoirdupois of his wrongdoings upon my heart, no matter what I do, they follow, no matter how much I restrain, he keeps coming back, and now he is in my mind way before to ruin my trip before it begins with the future love of my life.
Wandering in and about my thoughts, causing me gruesome pain in every possible way, to suck out the happiness I ever have at any moment.
I try to muster the courage, take a deep breath and before I can be completely out of his thoughts, you take the window seat. Your sophomoric behavior takes me by surprise. I ask for the window seat and you deny acting all babyish and innocent, stern to be seated by the window. I thought I had it in me to always ask for the window seat by being the baby, turns out you are even more kiddish than me. Out of the three seats, Abeer takes the aisle and I am left with the middle seat. I ask Abeer to shift and he denies, saying he will have the corner and now I am sandwiched for the rest of the bus journey.
I sit there with you and Abeer quipping about me, we three share a light-hearted moment and they continue to tease and mock me. I am comfortable and I laugh along, sitting in the middle hasn’t been this fun.
You sit beside me looking out of the window. I look at you, you are poised, calm, composed, in your own skin, and I see a different person altogether. I look at you from the corner of my eyes and you don’t seem the regular Ruhan I meet at the college anymore. You remain quiet, you don’t speak anything, you seem mysterious.
I am a bit nervous sitting with you and a bit sad from the flashbacks and excited for the trip. I hadn’t had so many emotions all at once. I am sitting with you wondering about you, and my thoughts are vexing me in that very moment for my broken heart which I am trying to mend from the trips I made in the past year, small, big, and the secret ones.
I am listening to the gibberish on the bus and the laughter of the groups going for the trip. Abeer is on the call and I plug in my earphones and Song by Before You Exit – Silence starts playing and I am lost in the song.
Sat in silence
When we sat in silence ♪♪
I layback on my seat, rested my head and I am lost in my flashback.
4 years Ago
Kempegowda International Airport, Bengaluru.
I got off the flight and I came out of the airport. I find Vian waiting for me. It’s a bright hot sunny day in February and it’s my birthday in a few days. I couldn’t have been happier than coming all the way from Delhi to meet you and finally hold you in my arms. I have loved you from the deepest parts of my heart. This long-distance relationship sucked a high time and here we were finally meeting after very long to embrace a few good days of love.
I see you smiling ear to ear and I can’t resist coming rushing at you with a child-like grin. I am walking every step and thinking about to hug you next and my heartbeats are restless. On the whole plane, I could not think about anything, other than to finally meet you, spend time with you and talk to you. In the long-distance relationship, we miss doing the little things together and this was our time. I full of love in my heart find you and I wrap my arms around you with the pain of being far away, thrilled to have you in front of my eyes for having missed you so much and overjoyed for our little adventure trip which you planned. I hugged you and never want to let you go. I want to cry and all my love comes floating in my eyes.