I am staring into the blank air, listening to the sounds of my breath. The swing squeaks as I float sitting over the flat gapped iron rods beneath me. I am thinking about meeting you this morning when we were standing outside the cafe and how there was a sudden thunder rumbling before it rained. There was just a big lightning flash and sound so loud, it scared me to death. I am breathless for a moment and I look into your eyes, your eyes give away nothing, I can’t read them, I wonder whether it’s me who has forgotten how to read someone, or it is just you who hides everything from me. You didn’t seem scared or were you scared?
I am lost thinking about your eyes, and I can’t get an outcome, and then I try reading your eyes again in my head, so you were scared a little, but you were worried about me, am I scared of it? So it was concern-filled eyes that were scared. I wonder what expression I gave, it was very scary, and I indeed was startled, very very afraid. I just didn’t know what to feel, how to react. I look at my phone and all this overthinking has gotten me only 15 seconds ahead!
So you like me being scared, so that means you like me to depend on you. I look at my army track pants, and I remember your army shorts both of us in the same grey color and I smile at how we always end up color-coordinating without even talking about it. I remember your faces throughout the day. I wish I had the pictures to look at. I am sitting there swinging in my own thoughts. I am a bit sad and I don’t know how to help myself out of this sadness.
I am swinging and I see you walking towards me, holding a jacket for me. I smile, I wish to, but I can’t. So sweet of you, but instead of telling you how much I loved your gesture, I speak some random shit about not needing it, but I am feeling cold. My inner goddess is laughing at me, how crazy she gets in front of him? She loves to see drama from the inside. I hate her.
You come and sit beside me on the swing, and you sit at the angle so that you are looking at me, I feel a bit shy, I keep sitting straight looking at the blank house in front of me, staring glances at you as you speak, night becomes young and I look at your charismatic face, I feel your fragrance, I see your lovely beautiful smile, I have never seen this face, this simplicity, this innocence before. You are looking more appealing than I ever imagined, what is this all over your face? How do I read it? What is it? This is so pleasant, why cant your face stay like this? I wish I can keep this face forever in my heart.
I look at you speaking, you are missing and skipping the words, are you sleepy? I look into your eyes, You are tired, you are having something else too, my eyes look at your cheeks, your eyelashes, they beautifully droop when you are tired you blink a little. I see the tiredness disappearing slowly, you are so peaceful, so happy, and I first time see the original you, the real you. Oh, this is what I have fallen in love with, so pure. I keep talking to you and I feel close to you. I listen to your heartbeats and though you are not so close, I feel like you soaking up all my warmth, I wear my jacket sliding a little comment over to you. I look at your love-filled face and I wish to hold your face and kiss it like a thousand times, you look so gorgeous.
What a sight to see, I am lost in the view, and we walk out of the swing from the garden and we go over to the comfy rooftop, its past midnight and you bring me the cushions to sit on. I am astounded again with your sweet gesture, you take my heart with all these little acts of kindness and sweetness I never found anywhere except inside me, and you put all of me at a level below. I sit over the cushions and I see your face under the starry lit night sky, looking at the mountains in front.
This all looks so dreamy, straight out of my fairytale, I have never imagined a beautiful love story than what we have going. I am about to cry but I don’t want to ruin your peaceful face, you look, so different, I wonder how many times, you visit your own self, this real self?
We talk and I remember our little conversation, under the moonlight when I wasn’t looking at you and you looked at me wanting to be with me, I understood everything but I fail to comprehend. I wonder if you know that? Or you find me stupid? I remember your sad sweet little face under the moon, making wishes. Your heart yearning, I feel everything and I am helpless, I can’t step outside my limitations, I wish I could make you happy, but can’t.
I see the pictures of us today on your phone and you come close to me, I wonder if I am going to get that kiss today, I just close the phone, and hand it over to you, hoping my truth doesn’t come out tonight that I am in love with you and all this is just a facade, I should have told you earlier, but it has been months, I do not know what I am waiting for why just I can’t say it.
I keep talking about random things, and you are silent listening to me, tired and a little sleepy, I don’t wish you to go, I wish we can talk all night sitting there. I look at your face, that gorgeous simplicity pure face. The most beautiful memory of my entire life. I am talking too much, truth is I wanted all of you tonight to myself and I did not want you to go, you sitting by my side made me feel alive and a little less sad.
All of a sudden you show me someone over the rooftop in front of us. I look and I can’t see anything. I remember a movie scene, as you point out to me someone standing there, there is a girl and a guy sitting together, guy distracts a girl showing something similar and kisses the girl over the cheeks, I smile remembering the scene, I look at you and you are focused on the rooftop, okay you are just having fun with me, I look at your tired eyes. Oh, I so wish you could lie down here and sleep. It was the most beautiful night that I never wished to end.
I with a heavy heart wave you goodbye so that your beautiful eyes can sleep, and may you rest, you had a long day. The truth is I could have talked to you for hours, I didn’t want you to go. I wish had we spent another hour under the stars maybe I had told you how much I love you. I wish I can tell you the truth someday or maybe not, maybe you won’t understand, these feelings of my heart maybe you dismiss them, thinking this is too much, I so wish you could step inside an overthinking heart and only to find out it is the tip of the iceberg. I love you so much. Happy 6th my love. Always and Forever.