What if we see our life from the end to the beginning? What if we see how close we were when we met, how distant we got in the end, how you moved on without me, and how I kept you alive in all my memories, in the moments of love.
I am looking at all the memories in a flashback, right from the moment we last locked eyes to when I sat with you. Are we moving towards the end, is this it? Everything is ending, moments disappearing in the clouds, will I ever be able to see you again, will I be able to touch you, hold you, or this is the love story that is bound to end, giving me heartache for another lifetime.
I fear losing you, I fear you going away. Why do I keep feeling this all the time, why I can’t sleep thinking about, what if everything ends tomorrow and I have got nothing in my hands, all of you slipped away from me just like the sand grains, what if I have loved you so much, but in the end, I never got you. What if this universe is scheming against me, to take away from me what I hold dear, the most precious thing. What if you are gone?
I have never been more paranoid than I am feeling today, I once prayed for you to be mine and I wondered, what more would I want in this world other than you. Seeing your beautiful smile, those lovely eyes, talking to you on that beautiful swing, your presence made me wonder, oh what a glorious thing, I do not want to lose this ever, what if I can’t get it or can’t have it, what if I have it and it doesn’t stay. How will I feel you not sliding away from my hands, every passing second?
I am sick of feeling you so distant. You are here in front of my eyes, still, I feel you are out of my grasp, like my soul screaming for your warmth, I am having it all but can’t perceive it. I can’t breathe, I can’t sleep. What if I lose you someday? What if I don’t find enough time with you? What if everything just ends in a dream, in a hope of seeing the future that does not exists?
I am thinking about how we met today, I walk up the stairs to the gallery and see you coming from the other end. I smile at you, wave at you, I want to hold your hand, maybe hug you, kiss you. Your gorgeous face impassive. I can’t understand, do you know me, do you feel me, my love for you from this far? Why do I feel this immense love so heavy, so helpless, it doesn’t have an outlet.
How irresistible you look, when you laugh, when you feel shy, when you just listen to me or look at me, and I am not looking at you, but I know, how helpless you feel. I have never been more helpless, looking at you under that moonlit sky, to just take you away from this world, and cherish all of you for my eager eyes.
I wish my eyes could speak to you, they could tell you whatever I feel for you so deeply, every second, every moment. I fall for you every single day. How I love you every waking moment, every sleeping second. I wish I could keep you forever. I wish no one could tell me that this also, is not going to last.
My eyes fail me, my face fails me, my smile, laugh everything fails me. They are unable to tell you how much love I hold for you in my heart. My words are ruthless. I want to look at you, maybe want you to lie down in my arms, rest a little, touch your cheeks, your nose, your obstinate forehead. I am happy to see you, and hours later after you are gone, I am still lost in your face. I wish I can keep you near me always.
I don’t know how to show you how much I love you, I wish my senses could assist me some time, they can tell you what a marvelous thing is time spent with you, talking to you. How much I fall for you, these pesky little winds are holding my love for you.
Please listen to my heart sometimes, you would find a whole other world deeply connected to you, I wish I can speak someday about this realm to you.
Until that day, I am praying to the universe, for our forever, for you to stay, for me to feel more close to you, feel a little less sick, and maybe more in love. My love for you knows no bounds. Maybe someday, your soul, your heart could understand, what goes on in my heart that I can’t even begin to say.
I love you so much, Always and Forever.