I am growing old without you, I miss you so much. My legs hurt when I walk, my heart aches to listen to these slow heartbeats. Life is lonely. I wake up every day hoping to breathe my end, to disappear today.
I look at the sky, aren’t you weary of waiting for me, do you know how painful it is to walk on this earth down here, with traces of you instilled in every drop of my blood, your touch remnant on my skin. How I long for you and cry when I can’t handle it any longer.
Back in the young days, I waited for us to meet, to spend time with you, now I am tired of waiting, with an infinite time, you are gone, you are not here, my children have outgrown me, they have their own bustling life, I only had you, my friend, my best friend, my love, my soulmate, my everything, my world, my universe. I never thought how would life be without you, we promised each other forever.
Had I known, nothing lasts eternally, you went away without any warning, alone, you did not keep your promise, you were selfish, you chose yourself, my love wasn’t enough to keep you with me, God didn’t answer my love, he did not acknowledge my one true love for you, he did not let me love you for another moment, live with you for another instant.
I see our children grow, I wish to tell them to cherish each and every second with each other, to not fight, to let go of small things, to love like there is no tomorrow, to find time for each other, because, life takes away everything in the end and you are left with memories, so little, you look back and see all the hustle, busy living life, catering to the responsibilities it throws, failing to love each other unconditionally. I wish to tell them that time of togetherness is less, small, rare, and would not come back in the world. Life is really short and I regret not loving you the way I should have, not living with you the way I want to live with you now.
Why did you go? I can’t remember how did I lived without you, how did I manage all those years not having met you.
I wish to turn back time, to want you a little longer, to live with you a little more, to care for you with all my heart so that you were here with me, and instead of missing you and remembering you, I was drinking a cup of tea with you, looking at your old wrinkles, your smile, we would laugh together at this older self of us, where your teeth are no more yours, my back hurts and I can’t see the words of the newspaper that you read but I see your soft face full of love, riding through all the life’s challenges we went through, all the destinations we traveled all the breakthroughs we achieved together, having our first baby, buying your dream house, that car, that couch, that journey.. I sometimes want to look at the pictures of us, to live back those days. I don’t have to courage to miss you anymore, any longer. My arms are dry, my heart is empty, my hands tremble. Please come and hold me, I am ..
It has been years since you passed away, but tears haven’t dried up, I yearn for your warmth every night, your soft lips over me every morning, your fragrance is still with me in your clothes, in your things, I can’t live without you and life is not easy. How I wish and pray to almighty, to end my suffering, so that I can meet you, see you, my eyes are waiting, they do not know what is taken from me, they haven’t smiled in a decade. They are waiting, incessantly, I search for you in the world, that a little magic would happen again, you would be alive here with me, someday I would wake up from this ugly dream and breathe a sigh of relief, I don’t have to live without you, its heart wrenching and heartbreaking.
I would do anything to bring you back, but I am growing old without you, I don’t want to live anymore, each second is cumbersome, a burden to live with. My eyes are flowing, without me knowing, my body misses you more than my mind and heart, they felt immense, I am a dead soul in a living body, a part of me died with you the day you left me and the other die every day thinking about us.
I promise to love you to the fullest if I get blessed enough to be with you for the next lifetime. I would give everything to be with you. I did not deserve you, but you made it with me, you made me someone I never I thought I would become, you believed in me, you showed me good things in the world, you opened your heart, so pure, you loved me like no one ever did.
I would always love you no matter what I do, what I become, please do not leave me so soon, it’s hard to live without you, I wish to close my eyes and never open them again, in a world without you. I don’t want to breathe anymore, it’s not easy to die, how would I just end this life to be with you. I can’t do it anymore, please take me from here, in your arms, I am tired. I am lost and life is lonely. I am no more without you.