I listen to you, I am speechless. I listen and I can’t respond. I always wondered how would I say, what would I say, how will I tell you that I love you, but I never thought what would I feel if you ever say those words to me. I never thought that you could also have feelings for me. I never expected you to fall in love with me or say those dreamy words of love. You have always been reserved, very sophisticated, not the kind of person I hoped would believe in love.
Oh boy, and when you did, I was neurotic, rolling in the bed, running around the house, just thinking what did you just say, Oh crap! Why? Is this a dream, Oh no! What did just happen. What should I do now? What the ….!!
I was not prepared. This was out of the blue, out of nowhere. I am blank for a moment. I am feeling happy, and on the verge of getting a literal heart attack. Heartbeats are abnormal and I want to scream, OMG, I am not sane. I am locked and my thoughts and mind has just your voice, speaking to me those magical words on rewind. I am not calm. I am lying in bed, and trying to breathe with my eyebrows raised. Oh boy. You made my plight so easy. It was not just me, you already felt, you also love me. How on earth did it happen? How? What did I do?
I am high, high on you, high in love. Oh how I have waited for you, all my life. You are my soulmate.
I talk to you, but find it hard to say, you mean so much, these words fall short of my intense love for you in my heart. I always thought, I would show you, I would never have to tell you, you won’t even have to listen to me saying these words, I would live my love for you, would do things for you, you would yourself see from your eyes. These words are just meaningless. How would they be ever be enough to tell you, how I looked at you without blinking my eyes when you sat far away from me at that table wearing your blue jacket. No smile, all wise and making me feel super impressed.
How I saw you wanting to talk to you, drawn immensely towards you. Not wanting to let you go. I have been so in love with you. Your solemn face. Hugging everyone, but not you.
How I saw you standing trying on that black shirt, how irresistible you looked. Looking at your charming face, your hazel eyes. And how you walked wearing your gorgeous olive colored outfit making me drool. Moments, Unforgettable lovely sight of you, in every shade, in every color, in every emotion, in every situation, making me fall in love with you. Where do I even begin. Your forgiveness, your kindness, your sweetness, your generosity, your calmness and so many things these words fall short of!
All about you, from small to big, to things you say, and things you don’t, to things you do, to things that you hide. I feel it all, I can sense it all. How lovely you sound when you tell me those little stories of your life, about your crazy list. What a wonderful person you are.
How I cried and you listened to me patiently, supporting me, loving me. I thought you won’t understand but you did. How I felt bad having said all those things I didn’t mean, your unwavering faith, trust in me, in us. I just know how to love, you know how to be in love, that moment I realised, love is just not the mere word, or just the strong devotion or just thinking about you all day long. It’s more and I have been a terrible lover. I don’t deserve you. I am just enamoured by you and you, your love is beyond what the love of this world shows, it’s a promise, It’s a duty, it’s faith, honesty. It’s the promise to one’s heart to be for the other no matter the consequences. I am not half the person that you are.
You teach me everyday. Something more, something new. I have been so naive. I failed to see the world, and I see it with your eyes everyday, only to know, that I didn’t know! I am so flawed.
I still remember when I saw you in your whatsapp picture for the first time and I felt will I be perfect for you? Your picture was really old. I use to think, why this old picture, why does it stays like that, only to know the agony behind it. Why it has been your favourite. I wondered if somehow I can remove the agony from your life, you would have a new picture there.
How you promised me to make a picture of us as your next, how wonderful I felt. Loved! Special!
But you did something even more wonderful, making me feel the most special person in your life, You posted the picture in front of my house! The house where I grew up. The house that has seen all parts of me, all phases of me, a house that is not perfect, that is old. I hate bringing anyone here, it looks shabby, it has been built out of love and it is that part of me, my darkest fear where I feel inferior. I never post pictures of the house. The part of me that I do not want anybody to see. You love all parts of me. You put it out all there. You removed my agony instead!
I did not know what love was until you came along and showed me. It is about all the small moments, small things, things you so carefully read without even knowing. I wonder if I be ever able to know what goes on in your heart, but whatever it is, it is too good to be true. You deserve all the love of this world. I am not perfect for you, can never be. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. You are rare and you are mine. I love you so much.
♩ Song playing