I am dancing with you and you swirl me around, once, twice, and I am astounded, Khyati joins us and all of the group is dancing together, celebrating the win, the success, the joy with everyone else on the dance floor. I take a moment and it feels like time has stopped and is moving a little slowly. I look at us all Siddhant who asked me to dance, Sejal who danced in spite of the sprained feet, Abhinav my partner, Armaan, Khyati, Himani who eased me always and someone I fell in love with Agrim. I am going to miss these dance sessions. I look at their happy dancing faces, and I want to keep this memory forever, the ultimate joy, the grin, the love, the energy, I want to keep it alive in my heart always.
The music stops and we are extremely tired.
Prachi announces again “All the winners are requested to stay for the group photograph. Please collect your certificates and cash prize from the HR bay tomorrow.” We take one more group photo and go towards the cafeteria to grab our snacks, we eat together and talk.
“What are we going to do about the prize money?” asks Armaan,
“Let’s divide and go home,” says Himani giggling. Everyone laughs.
“Let’s party, someplace nice.” says Sejal
“Let’s have dinner and drinks together at a super expensive place we have never been to,” says Abhinav.
“Cool idea,” says Siddhant.
“Guys we need to return these dresses we rented, just change and we will get going,” says Agrim.
“Relax dude, let’s decide and celebrate, we will go, we have time,” says Khyati.
“Oh, I know a cool place where we can go, Indian Accent.” I say looking at everyone.
“Oh yeah right I have heard of this place,” says Siddhant looking at me through his glasses.
“I think they have a cool offer going on for the next week. 1 on 1 on drinks Mon-Thurs” says Armaan checking his iPhone.
I look at Agrim, he is eating and looking at us all. “Lets go there it looks nice” says Himani, checking her Note.
“I have made a google link for all the pictures,” says Agrim, let’s add all the pictures and video of our dance on that link. I have shared this with everyone in our WhatsApp group. Everyone is checking their phone, and I check mine,
“Dude I was hopeless, how were we supposed to win this thing,” says Sejal looking at the dance video. “Oh, yeah right can’t believe we won,” says Siddhant chuckling with Khyati. “We did that stunt right, it was the best part,” says Armaan.
“What’s everyone doing this weekend? We can go watch a movie and have dinner” says Khyati
“Oh nice idea,” says Abhinav “I have a date tomorrow,” says Siddhant blushing and we all laugh, pulling his leg. “Bro, we won’t have drinks on weekend, offer is only for weekdays,” says Sejal
We talk and we decide to go to party the next week on Wednesday. We pack up our dresses and hand them over to Khyati and Agrim. I look at you, it’s going to be a long weekend without seeing you. I wave you goodbye, walking back and you smile at me.
I leave the office, thinking about our dance, our pictures, our conversations. I would love to go to a movie with you, have dinner with you, dance with you, looking into your eyes, in your arms. I reach home and I can’t sleep at night thinking about you, looking at the beautiful pictures, we all dressed up, you and me. Some candid, everyone together, I am living the dance again. I am feeling so in love with you, your little gestures, you overjoyed and pulling me close to dance. Your excited eyes, your carefree laugh, your expressions.
I find it hard to get past the weekend and can’t wait for Monday to see you again, or for Wednesday for our little party night and outing. I think about texting you over WhatsApp, but I don’t! I look at your WhatsApp profile, I see the same picture of you sitting on your Royal Enfield Bullet, holding your sunglasses. The same picture I saw in a sketch the other day.
I reach the office on Monday rushing past the biometric, to my seat, and HR calls me. She hands me over the cash amount and the winning certificates of us all. I am looking at them and you enter behind me, taking away the certificates. I look at you and my heart skips a beat. Oh, no coffee today, I saw you here itself. I adjust my hair and I see a helmet in your hand, your bag across your shoulders. We walk out the way towards my seat, you open the envelope and Siddhant is right on time, even before me.
We pin our certificates to our board and you sit in the bay, leaving the message for others to collect theirs. You look nice today and you sit there talking to me and Siddhant about your project. Himani and Khyati walk over to us. I wave at them and they smile. They sit over the bay table, taking their certificates and looking at them
“I would be going to Capetown for 2 years, on this project. My Visa came last week.” I listen to you talking to Siddhant.
“That’s cool bro! When do you leave?” asks Siddhant and for a moment I can’t understand a thing.
“This is the last week in office, I will be going home for a few days and then would leave,” Agrim says, putting a thunderbolt in my heart, my face loses its color. Oh no, wait what did you just say, this can’t be happening, you are going away? in a week, for 2 years? What the fuck? Am I dreaming, or is this shit real?
“We are on for Wednesday right?” says Khyati, I nod my head, trying to hide the sheer disappointment. Sejal and Armaan join us and all of the gang is planning for the party.
“You will be vacating here, what about your bike,” asks Siddhant, and the conversation keeps going with the voices going way above my head, distant. I get up from the chair, making my way towards the restroom, consoling myself, tears flow down my eyes, I see Abhinav on my way and I don’t look up. I hide my tears. I shut the door and I am breathless, the drops don’t stop, they flow, I cry, voluminously and I can’t even cry. You are going, you are leaving, tears fall uncontrollably. Is this all true, you are really going away.
I can’t get up and my heart breaks into millions of little pieces, why am I feeling like this, you aren’t even mine and I am feeling sad. My heart is torn. I am feeling so much pain right now. I can’t even think or breathe. I am having an anxiety attack.
You are going miles away, from me. There is no time left, there is going to be no us, we won’t be able to spend time together, I won’t be able to know you, I won’t be able to love you, I won’t ever be able to say to you how much do I like you. All of this is going to be the last of you in my memories. I cry and I can’t control myself. I didn’t even get a chance, to talk to you, to meet you, to share my feelings with you, to go on that bike ride with you that I dreamt about, no dinners, no movies, nothing, all my dreams shattering, and I feel lost. What would I do without you?
I spend hours in my zone and I can’t do anything sanely. I pass the three painful days, trying to assimilate the news of you going, trying to gather the courage of speaking something. What good would it do, it won’t stop you from going. I decide to seal my feelings in my heart forever, I close my lips, I decide to let you go, I decide to not tell you, it’s meaningless, it’s useless. I feel frustrated. I wish I could spend a few hours with you before you go, but I can’t ask you. How would you react, what would you say, so I shut myself.
I am going to miss you so much. We go to the Dinner, we celebrate, we click a lot of pictures. I click you sitting, eating, enjoying… I capture you in my eyes and my heart… enough to hold on to you until I have enough love in my heart to love you from here to wherever you are in this whole wide world. I would always love you, no matter how far you are, how near you are. I wish someday I can find a way to tell you about these unsaid feelings that I have in my heart for you and maybe someday, you would understand, these heartfelt unsaid words.