Its been a month, A month of us! A month of our splendid moments. The day I felt that OMG, its time, its happening, a mouth to kiss for the rest of my life. The ligtening thunder bolt, its time to commit! The haywired brain.
I wonder how many things a month can change? Or if nothing changes at all. I have been thinking about you a lot lately. I wish there was a way to stop. Make it stop! It’s making me crazy. How on earth do people skip this feeling.
How people forget the longing, the yearning, the immense desire to be close and walk away when they are over with each other. I wonder what makes them believe that this feeling is not worth fighting for? How do people live with the feeling of missing each other, how do people change? What happens to the love, the new, the excitement, when things goroutine, when things are no newer?
What happens to the forever, when everything becomes stipulated and boring? How do people fall in love and stay in love? What happens when people grow apart? What happens if one of you fall out of love? What are the breaking points for two people to fall out of love? What defines love? How do people, choose each other every single day?
I remember you saying once, how people in love have nothing new to talk about, there is no excitement left. I wonder would we also go down the same road once we are done with what others have been doing, you and I have a different take on what love means.
I think you feel love is only exciting when it’s new, but love happens when its not at all exciting. If we define love by the views of people, its different for everyone, its little things for some, its freedom for some, its a person for some, its varied different things for everyone.
I read it somewhere, the people who are overly understanding with each other, fall out more than the people who fight! What are the terms? You asked me not to fight with you, I am not a fighting person myself, but I fear, how would we bond, how would we be in love, how would we have that amazing chemistry that I see in people I adore and who inspire me.
How will the love happen? How will we know that we are in love with each other? What are the boundaries? What are the dynamics? How will we understand? What if we don’t? What if you find your love elsewhere and you are stuck with me instead. What if, your idea of love has been always different than what it was for me? What if we realize years later, that we wanted different things? What if we don’t fall in love at all, or What if we don’t love each other anymore, What then?
What would we do?
How generous would we be with each other? How understanding would we be? What if we love each other so much that we decide to go separate ways, What if our love is not once in a lifetime kind of love that I always wanted, that I always dreamt about, that I always read about. What if I finally fall in love and it turns out to be different than the romantically fed version of what I saw all these years, read in books and saw in pictures, observed in people.
What if it’s even better, my heart knows nothing, it’s just wondering and running away from it since it knows love exists! What if when it finally settles for you, it can’t feel anything? What if it feels everything and you don’t? What if everything goes right and it’s the same as I thought? What is new then, How will I know that this is nothing different?
I miss you day and night. I don’t know if it’s okay to tell you. I write the messages thousands of times and do otherwise. I rehearse for an hour before I can finally call you. I don’t know if it’s okay to call. I don’t have anything to say, I just want to listen to you talk, I want to say so many things, but I can’t say, I decide to say and my words leave me and go picnic on the love island of your pretty face and cute smile. I wish I can be near you, so I don’t have to say anything and I can breathe, and take my mind off you, and gaze at you, keep you around, and just when I am about to miss you, I can just look at you and be glad that you are here.
I look at all the doe-eyed people, truly, madly and deeply in love, I wish to have a love like that, how do people love, be in love, I find it hard, is this love? How will it be kindled between us? When will it happen? Had it already happened? Why can’t there be a signal or some universe symbol to tell you and guide you. I think I am in love, can you tell already. I wish you knew, or that I could tell you, that the way you have been understanding the pain behind all the things I say and do, you see more than I try to show, Thank you so much. I could not have wished for anyone better, I am so grateful to have found you.
Happiest first month love. I wish the best for you. I love you so much.