I left my heart with you that night, that beautiful night. I have been waiting for you so eagerly and I never thought that you’ll meet me this way, out of nowhere, unexpectedly as if the universe was writing my love story with you.
Earlier this morning
It’s foggy and cold. I clean the glass pane removing the water droplets with my hand, looking out the window, and can’t see my house garden, white smoke covers the air, full of chilled winter breeze, making me shiver.
I have been counting days to meet you.
I pick up my phone and take a leap of faith, to wander through the dense fuzzy roads with the air full of ghostly white winds. I book an UBER and I have to travel 50 miles until I can finally meet you, to see you standing in front of me.
This morning has been making me restless as if I would have to wait a lifetime to see you. Fog is dense and growing as time passes.
I can’t miss you enough, these months have been painful, away from you, every passing moment, counting seconds, thinking of ways to be near you, to tell you how much I have been thinking about you, every morning, every day, every evening and every night. I have lost my sleep ever since I saw you.
You also have been invading my dreams since I locked my eyes with you. I want to be with you in the blink of an eye, and never want to let you go. My hands search for you when I wake up in the middle of the night, making me sad day by day, and I cannot tell you the plight of being away, not being able to spend moments with you. Those little moments to cherish, that little touch of your hand, your fragrance, your giggle, your silence, your squished face while you joke, the way you always walk forward, protecting me in your embrace, you with me, us together.
I keep revisiting our beautiful photos together, your adorable face, that smile, that innocence, such a joy. I can’t wait to call you mine and tell the world, this heart belongs to me.
2 hours pass by, thinking about our conversations, our late-night phone calls away and I am intoxicated. You have that magic, I have been missing.
My eyes are dying to see you.
UBER is about to drop me and I receive a phone call from you, I look at the beautiful picture of you staring at my flash screen. Gosh, dear Lord could not have made you any cuter.
“Waiting for you!!” you say in your sweet voice. Your voice makes me saudade. I want to listen to it all day, I miss hearing it around me, I love your voice. It melts me.
I see you standing in front of your car waiting for me. I come rushing at you, hiding away all the emotions I feel, the obsessive dangerous feelings and they are haphazardly extreme. I calm myself down and I see your eyes noticing me from head to toe. I take a deep breath.
Your eyes do not leave sight of me, and I walk towards you, you greet me cheerfully, we hold hands and you are chivalrous, you open the car door for me, I sit and you drive away on the beautiful sunny road.
I am elated, excited, and nervous. I can’t think but wonder if it’s a date or just both of us meeting, well since I have been yearning to meet you. It’s just an I have been dying to meet you so you said yes kind of a drive, with you giving nothing away. I can’t tell if you are happy to see me or not. You seem balanced and I am a nervous wreck, I speak random shit and you drive. I can’t be any happier, I found all of you to myself today.
I stare glances at you, unable to find words to speak, they come out randomly and I sound weird. I still can’t understand if you think about me, or it’s just me, drowning in your thoughts.
Am I good enough for you, you are the perfect one for me, but do you find me perfect, am I the one you have been looking for. I so wish, I pray secretly, it’s me who you always wanted. I can’t help but wonder, how am I suppose to know what you feel, what is in your mind, when you won’t say how you feel. Maybe you feel the way I am feeling right now, maybe you also are already in love with me, maybe you are not, my thoughts are going crazy and I look at you.
You are driving peacefully, your eyes on the road, I ask you something and you look at me, I can’t read your eyes. Those lovely eyes. I want to keep looking at you, but I can’t. I feel shy, and I look away. Your pretty face, I want to hold your face in my hands and kiss it all over.
I am trying hard, to scatter away my profound feelings, which keep coming back all over my face. We make a stop at the store. My nervous hands unable to do anything but thinking to hold your hands can’t unfasten the seat belt, you do it for me, looking at me. I am dazzled and you give me goosebumps. I shakily get off the car to find some air, walking behind you.
I trip and you hold me. I am breathing in your embrace. I catch my senses and shake off the feeling, and keep walking.
We spend the time at the store, and I realize you are a very kind person, I can’t help but keep looking at you, your small gestures, falling for you every single moment.
The day is bright and sunny, we hop back in and I just wanna stop and sit with you for a while, so we hit your favorite destination. Indeed, you must have been here with the love of your life, I wish I have met you earlier. So we make our stop to spend a few moments together.
You look at the young people around, and you tell me how old you feel looking at them, you stare glances at the chubby little bundle of joys. You love kids. Your neck dance to the rhythm of their walk. I can’t help but smile ear to ear, looking at all the adorable cuteness in a frame.
I feel hungry sitting there with you, so we walk our way out of the place and we sit in your car, we share my home-cooked food, and you like it. I am glad, you like the taste of the food I cooked. I am scared, what if you hadn’t liked it.
You take me to a peculiar place that looks like the alien tower for a rocket launcher. I look at the funny place and we walk together, still trying to figure out what is going on in your mind, your heart. You are warm, you listen to everything, that I say.
We walk past the lush green golf mountains, and we stop by the poolside. My face is sun-kissed and your eyes turn hazel brown from the sunlight, they shine beautifully. I see your gorgeous smile, I can’t look at your face, or into your eyes. I have fallen tremendously and its hard to find my way back to sanity.
My mind goes blank at random intervals, listening to you, staring at your lips moving. I find it hard to focus on what I have to say, other than what is in my heart. I am still wondering, whether you like me or not, perplexed at your minuscule gestures, you unknowingly touch me here and there, making me wonder is this intentional, or you really are just getting along.
We move in that serene place, we walk and we talk, about random things, you still are unreadable. I can’t understand what is that you hide, why feelings need words, why aren’t you expressive, and most importantly how would I believe whatever you say.
We drive out of the place, riding into the sun going down, to the most amazing date of my life with you. I look at the sunset and wonder, I want to wake up every morning beside you, I want to live every sunrise with you, watch all these beautiful sunsets with you, gaze at the stars on the rooftop with you, watch everything I have in the bucket list and everything magical with you.
We make our next stop to an eatery. Its a gorgeous place and you lead the way, this place has a lot of happy vibes, happy people and for a moment I feel the happiness rushing into my veins, is it you, or this beautiful evening, with the crescent moon over the top.
You smile sweetly and your face oozes charming emotions drawing me towards you. I control myself. I talk opposite of whatever I feel in my heart. I want to be so close, but I drift apart. I want to grab you and implant a kiss over your face, or maybe that smart mouth carefully drafting the words, smiling in between, enjoying the carefree evening with me I guess.
Where do you inherit this kindness? I had never seen a person so incredibly sweet. You smile and all my world comes falling down, what did I do to deserve you, you are a universe gift to me as if I don’t deserve you and the universe has been extra gracious to me, it gave me you.
We walk together to the concert stage area, this beautiful night is full of clear skies, and there are people sitting there holding hands, resting their heads on each other, so close, in love and they are enjoying the song.
I listen to the song, it’s beautiful and my heart is beating, at the pace of the song, the beats are rising and my heart rushes to the song.
♬♪♩ Tum se hi remix playing in the concert
You stand beside me and I can’t look at you. I want to look at you, see your pretty face, your beautiful brown eyes, under this starry night, but I don’t have the courage. I don’t want to feel betrayed by my feelings for you. I don’t want to give away what I have in my heart, this song reminds me of everything I always wanted, it’s been you all this time.
I don’t want to fall in love with you, not so soon, so I just take a step away, and my mind can’t leave the place. I so desperately want to look at you, hold your hand, and kiss your beautiful mouth, right here at this moment but I could not muster up the courage to even look at you in the eyes. I am just too scared to give away my sweet little secret, that I have been in love with you since I first saw you. My heart is beating loudly, I have never felt it so much.
The song is reaching the end and I finally turn towards you, our eyes meet and I have a moment with you. I don’t want to leave your embrace, this place, us together, and I want to end the night in your arms, to touch you, to hold you.
I look away and we walk together, I pray to the crescent moon upon the clear night sky, to be always in love with you, to be with you. I am grateful to have found you. I wish for a beautiful journey ahead, but I still don’t know what lies in your heart. I can not hide it anymore. I feel betrayed already, I don’t want to but every walking moment with you is making me want to confess, be in your arms, but I withhold.
We walk towards the car, and I draw little hearts on the back of your car, on the door windows. I don’t know how to say it, I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how to say, so I stay quiet and sit beside you on the way back home. You drive and I stare glances at you, and when you look at me, I can’t keep up with the love floating in my eyes making my lashes droop. I am already missing you.
I don’t wanna go home, you are my home, my escape, my everything. You were a sight to behold. I was in love all along but today was different, maybe it was us being in each other’s presence, together. I wanted to say but couldn’t. So here it goes.
I am in love. I am so in love with you. I love you so much.