I wonder what if you haven’t been here, what if I did not find you here, what if I could not see you here. I would have traded everything in this world to have seen you. I was so glad to have found you here. I have been wishing and praying secretly for you. May this summer vacation I get to spend with you to the fullest.
You walk towards me and are two inches away, you open the door and I am lost looking at you.
“How are you Bhaumi?” you speak with more zeal than ever.
I look at you finally waiting for the entire year. I am speechless. I find words and I don’t ask anything. I am overwhelmed seeing you and all I manage to speak to you Vatsal was
“I am good, how have you been?” You are immensely happy and we walk towards the park.
I look at you talk and I forget about the letters, about everything I thought I’d say and tell you. I have been saving the beach story for you and in the pocket of my skirt lies beautiful seashells from the beach I found and prayed to the beach I could someday see beaches with you.
The shell clink in the pocket and evening just got a little brighter. I wonder what happened to me, I am amazed, I am… I can’t describe those emotions. I think that was love when I saw you at that moment and forgot to blink, seeing you so happy, so full of life in front of me. I forgot for a moment that it was me who wanted to meet you so much. I am feeling so high and I can’t decide why was I so keen on meeting you, everything looks changed, I am so high on the emotion Vatsal that I stopped feeling anything for a while.
I experienced a new thrill, and now whenever I feel it I name it Vatsal therapy. You had that blinding intoxicating effect on me that day. So many years down the lane and I still haven’t forgotten that feeling. I wish I can feel it again, I wish I can go back in time and watch the two of us. Feel those emotions again, fall in love again with life, with me, with you.
We run towards the park and we swing, we relive the first meeting together, we play, we walk on the walls, we ride the bicycle, we laugh, we talk and in the moments I spend with you, an overthinker like me forgets to think, my mind is all out, my heart is all in my eyes, pouring all the love out on you.
We spend all the evening together and we aren’t tired, we sit on our sunset point and as I sit, the shell makes a bump on my back skirt pocket. I reach out and pick out the shell. I give it to you.
You look at the shell and you smell it and you say “Seashell! Where did you get this?”
“This year I went to see the beach, this is a little gift for you.” I say lovingly
“Wow! there more in my house, let me show you, come with me!” and we jerk off the wall and we walk towards your home. I enter the house and walking behind you I am in your room.
I see you intently finding your treasure box full of little things. I look around your room. You are an interesting person. Your room vibes of a creative nerd who loves to draw, sing, play and you are so much more than just a sweet kid whom I admire. There is music, there are lovely little things, your collectibles, your certificates, your beautiful handwriting, your pictures, you are the school’s popular kid. There are books, so many books. Cars, watches, video games, and your room is so organized.
I look at the shells in your boxes, you have painted them and have kept them with the beautifully painted stones. I really like the black and red one. I ask
“Can I keep it?” looking towards you.
You gift it to me agreeably. I put it inside my skirt pocket and we head out.
We meet and play daily, we play football, we play badminton, we play everything that we can. I accompany you to your piano lessons, and we are playing twice in the park. We spend mornings together, we spend the evenings together, we talk, we run, we play, we hide. I love listening to you and the books you read. We talk about literature, your favorite poetry, how you love Shelly, Wilde and you admire Frost.
How you love to read Archer and other romantic writers. I just listen to you and I realize I don’t understand a lot of things. You explain it to me, you never make fun of me and I learn from you, I wish this time to never end.
I still remember you learning a new song on your synthesizer and rushing back to me. You played the entire song in one go. I so wished to have a video recorded that memorable evening, blue dusky sky, you playing that lovely song Madeline for me on your keyboard. Oh how I wish I was able to play for you, you were so in love with life and things. I was just watching you passing by until these vacations would end.
I watched you play and I have never been in love before the way I was when I saw you play. Your beautiful fingers, you lost playing that song, looking gorgeous.
You taught me a few songs, we sang together, you introduced me to the lyrics, to music, to singers, to some famous notes, musicians and I loved it. Days passed by the happiest ever.
…and finally, the day came, for me to leave. We were watching the sunset on my last day here with you and where did my time here fly off, I could hardly notice.
–“mm” looking at the kids playing
“I ll be going tomorrow.”
—“Oh great, My school also opens Monday, so will not be playing so much now.”
I keep looking at you, to keep your face for an entire year next in my heart, and then drops the bomb.
—“I ‘ll going to my grandma after this year. I will go to Xaviers in Mumbai.“
—“They are the best school there.”
“Why won’t you stay here instead?”
—“Bhaumi, when you will come in senior school, you’ll know.”
I am strikingly sad as soon you talk about going to Mumbai so I ask with a heavy voice.
“So we won’t meet next year?”
—“Looks like it.” you are the same joyous as before, like nothing matters and all that mattered to me were you.
Tears roll down my eyes. I don’t understand what have you said and they flow gloriously. I am unable to pacify myself. You don’t see me cry so I turn my back towards you and gaze at the sunset. You keep talking about Mumbai and I cry listening to you.
I saw the most emotional sunset of my life that day. I would miss you a lot.
I was unable to speak, unable to say and we went back to our homes.
I left for railway station the next morning and as soon as I board the black yellow autorickshaw. I see you on your bicycle. You scream from afar
“Bye Bhaumiiiii. See you next year.” I am holding on to the red-black stone I got from you and I wave back at you. A little sad and a little happy.
I am sad and on the way back on the train, I buy a book, the first book I ever read by Archer. The Best Kept Secret and I miss you and as the train picks up the speed, my heart becomes sadder and then I realized, I forgot to ask you about the letters. I cry sitting on the upper berth of the train, the paper sheets full of my tears still imprinted on the first page of the book.
The tears of love. Love for you. All pure and all true. I would miss you.
TO BE CONTINUED