I am having a memory relapse, from an hour ago, trying to recall every instant of us being together, searching for your phone, I am looking for it everywhere, I can’t find it, I am shakily scanning for it, under the seat, in the bag, car dashboard and into the sides of the car door, I look at you searching for it, breathing thin air, of having lost it in the past hour, doing nothing but having fallen in love with you again.
I sit on the front seat looking at the back of the car, while you get off and look for it. My memory synapses flashbacks, taking me to the lunch hour when you were just a few miles away from me and I can’t wait to see you here. My stomach carps in and I have laughter pangs from the excitement of seeing you after months. Finally, your face, gorgeous you in front of these dull eyes, me. I always wonder when would I see you again, every time you left and this has been the longest. How would I ever tell you how hard it is to live without you and these distances, these helpless situations make me deficient of you. How much I need you, just like this air to be alive. I have been so sad, missing you each day like I don’t want to wake up if it’s not you that I am going to see today.
I am counting days, while I just love you from miles apart, longing each moment for you, being with you, being near you, praying for you to be mine, and never going away. My heart cries and my eyes just listen to it, unable to respond, why has this distance crept in?
My heart is happy today, doing a somersault inside my chest, I never knew it could do so until I met you. I feel so happy after so many weeks. I look at you standing outside your car, wearing the same blue tone and smiling having met you after moons. I walk towards you, feeling everything and as usual faulty at expressing happiness and joy. I wonder why is this so difficult, to let someone know how much you missed them, how wonderful you feel after having met them, after seeing them, I have never missed someone so much before. This is not what I came for, to miss you, to long for you every single day, this is terrifying, to be in love and to be loved, not every love goes straight into your heart, leaving a big void every time they go, even if for the moments apart.
I meet your eyes and all the sickness goes away, so far away from you. I just needed you that day, every day, you have been my cure. You look at me and I wonder if you feel the same, so madly in love with you, we meet and we go, towards the unknown roads, for the moment’s firsts, I feel it all like a vision, you actually in front of me, me with you, is this real, someone please pinch me, is this real, are you really with me right now, I want to love you, I want to feel you and all I am feeling is amazement, is this a dream?
We make a stop at the ice cream cart, and you open the door windows, and you lean on my side, to look for your favorite flavor and as you look, I look into your eyes, so close, those gorgeous eyes, you keep looking at the ice cream menu and I into your eyes, so beautiful. You choose and my heartbeats have stopped for a moment sinking in those very beautiful eyes. You pick your butterscotch and we eat. I look at you eating like a baby, I laugh and I smile, ice cream, at the corner of your mouth, around that tiny stubble bristle near the chin. You are a messy eater and somehow, I am enjoying your carefree self that day.
I am overwhelmed, and we talk until I am sure, yes it’s you, so lovable, the same adorable piece of my heart, that person, who is my everything. I am speechless, I speak, shakily, trying to control my happiness and I am so glad to be with you.
We move forward and we see so many yellow trees, a long full bloom golden shower along the way, the violet showers decorating the beautiful pathways, the weather is awfully pleasant and the sun is hiding behind the clouds. We look at the lovely pathways and, we go on the roads, to the views.
I am lost without a clue about the phone being misplaced and my trail of thoughts breaks when you find it and you tease me, for being such a freak about it, and I made an annoying sad face, thinking I have lost it being lost in you. You comfort me, and I take a sigh of relief.
I wonder, when did I start getting so lost in a person, never before and I wonder how much I have fallen for you, can I love someone more than this? I take pictures with you, to look at, and your smile takes my heart away yet again.
You ask me to drive and switch sides, I look astonished towards you, oh really, me, I don’t know how to drive, how will I? You help me, you teach me, and Woah, I am in the driver’s seat. I put the pedestal and I am on a different high, doing something new with you, it’s the first and you, not a camera person or even the capture moment kind of a person, you click me, driving, I am amazed at the little gesture, so sweet, a memory to reckon for the years to come. and just when I think of love being enough, you fill my heart with more.
I feel mesmerized, we drive among the lanes, on the high roads, on the lows, your touch is like a feather, soft yet making imprints on my heart, your hand on mine, I feel the blood rushing through, and every time you hold it, I forget to breathe, and my heart dances in joy. My eyes are full of bubbles, seeing the magic unwind, living the moment with you.
We make a stop and we look at the fields, large green stretch, and looking at it, I wonder if I could hold your hand, beneath the beautiful mango trees. I look at your pretty face and I have succumbed again. You tell me stories about your town, the people, the kids bathing in the water, I drink another coffee with you, sitting under the trees, on the beautifully painted yellow-orange benches, looking at you, your hazel eyes. How I have lost sleep over them. I look at the sun going down and we leave the place, and I do not wish to go back.
I feel extremely sad, you leaving again. The sunsets and my defective phone no more show me the way back, I borrow yours to find the way through the unknown army roads, having our soul connecting symbol imprinted everywhere, I look at them as a symbol from the cosmos, thinking you must be my soulmate, you and I are destined to be together. Meeting you must have been the conspiracy of the universe itself, I look towards a hopeful future, not knowing whether we, you, and I are ever going to happen or not?
Either way, I would always cherish these little moments with you. I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me. I just wish you never have to leave, that this moment does not has to end, that you never have to go away from me, may I be the person you come home to. I miss you so much. I love you so much.