I miss you so much. I am getting out of ways and means to tell you how much I miss you the entire day. I can’t feel anything else than you. I am running out of words to tell you how much I love you, how insanely I miss you, I am running out of things to do that would make me miss you less. Even when you talk, even when you text I just miss you.
I am sitting on the window side with a coffee mug looking at the children playing with colors and all I can think about is coloring you with my hands, filling you with love, touching your face with color clad hands, your neck, your chest, your torso, your back, I want to run my hands all over your body.
I take a sip and as the coffee touches my lips I want to touch yours. Your amusing laughing face, full of colors mixed with my love.
I am drooling in your thoughts, about how when you were driving and all I could think about is how to tell you about my newfound innermost desire to look at you with passion. Oh, how I crave your lips over me. You sing and you drive. I just want to grab you, pull you closer, and look deep into your hazel brown eyes. Instead, I open my hair and just keep looking at you lustfully. You look back and I want to reach out to you and kiss you. Your beautiful face playing fireflies with the blue highway lights.
I sip on the coffee and it tastes delicious. No wonder we drank coffee too when we first met. I now actually believe a lot can happen over coffee. The person holding the copyright for the statement must have fallen in love, just like I did, with your smile. Oh, how can I forget that cute smile, so pleasing, your eyes smiled too!
How you took me for a drive, I still can’t forget that beautiful pretty day, the day that changed my life. The day I saw you from my car to yours. You sitting in your car peacefully, rain drizzling and I hide behind the car window pane looking at you. A little nervous, a little excited. I want to get out of my car and have a good look at you but instead decide to watch you from afar. What if all this hadn’t happened? What if we were never meant to be? I must have been devastated.
I am now swiping through your pictures. I am reminded of the beautiful date you once took me to. How your pretty eyes stared at me in your rearview mirror. How I haven’t forgotten your lovely, witty, and fun-filled face when you gave me back my phone and played a trick instead. Oh, how I wanted to pull you back and see those eyes again. I don’t know what it was, it was beautiful. Like something more, like something so loving, like a desire, to want me close to you. I want to thank you for choosing me.
My coffee hasn’t been so delicious. I look at the pages, where I have written notes about you. I have been so in love with you. My diary has been colored with your name. I look at the pages where I have scribbled your name on every line, every corner, every page, like a teenage kid. I love your name, it’s delightful. What a beautiful name.
As I turn the pages, I see your picture. I have kissed it a thousand times and now I kiss it once more, twice, thrice and I keep kissing it whenever I see it until I can kiss you for real. I just smile looking at the gorgeous person and I stick it up to my heart, as if I have hugged you, and I see two flowers in the diary pages. One purple and one yellow. The Dahlias. The first flowers you ever bought for me. Oh so many. I wish I could keep each petal of the first love and I am reminded how you stammered giving those pretty flowers. Your love-filled face, you looking at me shyly, you knew I loved you, I have been in love all along.
I smile remembering the gifts you bought me. The first chocolates! I am still eating them, thinking about eating them from your mouth instead, when you would kiss me and all I can taste is chocolate in your mouth.
The lovely jacket you bought for me when you gave me the first compliment ever when you made me feel, I mattered. I love it and it scents of your car. I wish I had your hoodie. It would have smelled like you.
I am remembering your soft lips, how I stared at them when you stood in front of the mirror putting on your dress and all I can see is your lips, moving to ask me, how does your dress look? I can hardly concentrate and I just want to rip your dress apart, run my hands over you and feel your heartbeats, your warmth.
Why am I so attracted to you? You make me feel thirsty, you have been running on my mind and I bite my lip.
I am indulged in your thoughts and I remember your hands, playing the songs I sent you, the songs you hear which you dedicate to me, without saying, and singing along to the lyrics on the stereo, your eyes, looking at me salaciously, wanting me, desiring me. I look at those eyes and of all the things I can’t read, I read the immense desire to be up close. I see you, I see your helpless expressions like you also want to say so many things, do so much to me but can’t. What’s holding you back?
Just say it, or I’ll wait. Until then, Happy third month my love. I love you so much.